Alterari Phoenix’s Anti Bully Service

Are you being bullied for playing EVE Online? Are the jocks at your school mean to you for owning a gaming laptop or PS5?

Well, you need to call Alterari Phoenix’s Anti Bullying service today!

Alterari Pheonix is a six time All Valley Karate Tournament Champion from 1997 to 2003 where he enlisted in Bodyguard College and upon graduation, began body guarding 90’s pop star Mandy More when she was on set of the TV Show Scrubs.

Using his Karate Skills, he saved her from:

  • A homeless man with a knife
  • An obsessed fan with a Polaroid Camera
  • An Angry Karen Mom with a bad haircut and a screeching voice.
  • Drunken Clowns

Alterari Phoenix does not fuck around and if you are being bullied in any way shape or form, he will gather up his crew of Toaster Jane and Tetrakill and drive to your house in his souped up Kia Picanto and take your bully down with super fast a crane kick to the dick..

It will be so powerful that your bully’s grandchildren will feel it 3 generations later whenever they sit down.

The force of his kick upon your bully’s DNA will mean his entire bloodline will lean left when they walk due to the shift in their natural gravitational pull being shifted by Alterari’s foot.

Over 3,000 miles away, a flock of birds will startle and fly away into the sky, away from the thunderous sound of Alterari’s foot meeting your bully’s testes.

Every car alarm in a 10 mile radius will go off, signifying the event.

So if you’re being bullied, and you need assistance, call (303) 307-1712 to get help from Alterari Phoenix’s Anti Bully Service!

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