Alterari Phoenix Fun Phacts

By The Numbers

Alterari Phoenix has earned five Bachelors Degree’s, has four kids, three dogs, two cats, and your moms telephone number.

Winning Record

Alterari Phoenix holds his local bowling alley’s record for the most perfect games. Bowling superstar Pete Webber is so jealous of his record that Petes infamous “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, I AM” rant on camera was actually in response to Alterari sitting in the stands pantomiming intercourse with a hot dog and bun while Zintage laughed.

He Once Got Busy

While Sir Mix Alot bragged about getting busy in a burger king bathroom, the only thing Alterari Phoenix will brag about is his 4.7 GPA in college, achieved without the use of computers or a calculator.

Vine Ripened Alterari

When Alterari Pheonix steps onto the club’s dance floor, he’s so fresh Will Smith sued him for trademark infringement.

“Duck, Duck, Hot Drop”

When his nephew was being bullied in grade school, Alterari Phoenix who has a Black Belt in Judo, taught the little guy how to defend himself which resulted in the very first suspension for that Gradeschool ever.

During recess, a teacher organized game of “Duck Duck Goose” went awry when Alterari’s nephew intercepted a blow to the head disguised as a tag for “goose” and using a Judo Throw, shouted “HOT DROP” and hurled the bully 4 feet away. The nephew was never bullied again and now is a black ops pilot in Goonswarm.

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