A Strongly Worded Letter to Angry Mustaches DMV

ood afternoon DMV Employee,

My name is Ceema, and I am the Vice President of Coin Operated Games, and Skee Ball Operations for the Brisc Rubal Home for Hot Unwed Mothers.

In the month of June, a colleague of mine lost his Drivers License when he jumped into his local duck pond while on his lunch break to save a child being attacked by a Canadian Goose on the loose.

He in his business suit and briefcase, regardless of personal danger charged ahead into the fracas where many other park goers looked on in fear. Charging into that pile of flying feathers and honking, wielding his briefcase like the fabled Master Sword from the Zelda Franchise he bonked many honks, grabbed the poor child shivering in ankle deep water in utter terror and made his way back to the edge of the pond.

While the growing crowd cheered him on, he swiftly enacted a tactical withdrawal, shielding the child with the briefcase and slapping geese all the while. They hissed and quacked seeking an opening to bite the child or himself but our man Angry Mustache defeated them without so much as a scratch on him.

After the child was seen safely to his parents, Angry took an account of himself and realized his wallet had been lost in the pond.

Our Goose Gotten Champion then called his local DMV office and told them he had lost his drivers license; he was informed that one would be mailed to him within 7-10 business days.

Sir or Madam, it did not take Maury Povich to determine this was a lie. Twenty long days later, now knighted by the local Park and Recreation Department for his bravery, “Sir” Angry Mustache has still had to take the bus to work as he is a law abiding citizen. No replacement license has arrived.

He attempted to call his local DMV office for assistance but was promptly hung up on like a turkey dropped prom date after being on hold for an hour.

Just why the hell you people think that such a brave hero deserves this treatment and license replacement delay is beyond me. One has to wonder if you went to the Gobbins School of Customer Service and Leadership if this is how you treat a man who with no regard for himself, charged into danger with only his Briefcase and the good graces of our lord and savior Asher Aslan Elias to protect him from his foe’s feathered fury.

Please find it in you hearts to correct this terrible miscarriage of justice and get Angry Mustache his replacement drivers license.

To quote Jeffery Lebowski; ‘HIS SOCIAL LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS”.

Do the right thing. Make this happen now.



Vice President of Coin Operated Games, and Skee Ball Operations.

The Brisc Rubal Home of Hot Unwed Mothers

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